For my lovely paid subscribers on this unsettled June day.

June 25, 2025

Shit just keeps rolling downhill for FOTUS (Felon of the United States). His big military strike was, well, a dud and even the Pentagon says so. The Defense Intelligence Agency estimates that the much-hyped attack on Iran’s nuclear program may only have set the program back anywhere from three to six months. Even satellite photos show some re-arranged sand but that’s it. And all that enriched uranium that had Netanyahu convinced that Iran was “weeks away” from building a bomb (which he’s been saying for years)? Uranium had left the chat long before the attack. It’s like Iran knew the sheriff was near.

Triple SecDef Pete Kegsbreath, though, our beloved DUI hire, released a statement saying “Based on everything we have seen—and I’ve seen it all—our bombing campaign obliterated Iran’s ability to create nuclear weapons. Our massive bombs his exactly the right spot at each target—and worked perfectly. The impact of those bombs is buried under a mountain of rubble in Iran; so anyone says the bombs were not devastating is just trying to undermine the President and the successful mission.”

He's acting like Iran was the g-spot and he finally located it. And if there were a “mountain of rubble”, well, let’s see the pictures. Oh wait, we have. Hips don’t lie and neither do photos, so there’s nothing left to burn and nothing left to prove. Meanwhile, he’s gazing at a photo of his Cheeto Jesus and sighing “I wish I could quit you.” The White House says the agency’s assessment is “flat out wrong”.

FOTUS never get a Nobel Peace Prize, which he wants more than all those nubile 12-year-olds on Epstein Island. He’s said he deserves one for Rwanda, or Serbia, or Kosovo, or for his work to promote peace between India and Pakistan, or the Abraham Accords, or for putting nipples on the batsuit. He won’t get the Peace Prize because “they only give it to liberals”, as he whined to reporters. I mean he never shuts up about the goddam thing. Can someone in the White House basement spray paint a soccer trophy gold and write “Nobell piece prize” with a Sharpie and give it to him so we don’t have to listen to this for the next however many years? He only wants it because Obama got one and he is seriously obsessed with Obama because he can’t handle the idea of a black man being smarter, funnier, classier, more popular, more well-liked, and exponentially more successful that he could ever dream of being. So he lashes out, first on the American people, and now the rest of the world, and many other countries are probably wondering if they can form an HOA and kick America out.