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October 3, 2025

My, my, are there cracks developing in Trumpty Dumpty’s wall, the wall his strangely bulbous behind so precariously sits upon? My Magic 8-ball says “It is decidedly so”. Secretary of Commerce Howard Lutnick, who shared a wall with Jeffrey Epstein when they were neighbors in New York, seemingly spilled the beans to Miranda Devine on her Pod Force One podcast on Wednesday. He’s talking about a time when he visited Epstein. Roll that beautiful bean footage: “And so there’s a massage table in the middle of the room, and candles and all that stuff. So I ask very insightful, cutting questions. I say to [Epstein], ‘Massage table in the middle of your house? How often do you have a massage?’ And he says ‘Every day.’ And then he gets, l ike weirdly close to me, and he says ‘And the right kind of massage.’”

Lutnick goes on to say that he and his wife found Epstein to be weird and creepy and agreed never to hang out with the guy again.

And then Bill Gates came up. Yes, that Bill Gates. Asked if Gates and all the others saw what was going on, Lutnick replied “No, they participated. That’s what [Epstein’s] M.O. was: you know, get a massage, get a massage. What happened in that massage room, I assume, is on video. This guy was the greatest blackmailer ever. Blackmailed people, that’s how he had money.”

Curiouser and curiouser. When asked what happened to those videos, Lutnick said “I assume, way back when, they traded those videos in exchange for him getting that 18-month sentence to allow him to have visits, and be out of jail. I mean, he’s a serial sex offender. How could he get 18 months and be able to go to his office during the day and have visitors and stuff? Must have been a trade.”

I think Lutnick is on to something but here’s what I wonder: you know this gross dude is living next to you and doing these creepy things with massages and Bill Gates and Fred Flintstone and Darth Vader and Batman are getting said massages, and you don’t say anything. You know what’s going on, and you don’t do anything. Okay, fine. You don’t want to be Gladys Kravitz. But then, when all this comes to light, you don’t call the Federal Bureau of Incompetence and say hey, here’s some information you might be able to use? You just go “Hm, I was living next to an international sex trafficker and possibly have more information to use in a case against him but other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?”