On today's episode of "Fuck Around and Find Out"

April 4, 2024

Today, kittens, we’re going to start with the words of John Bolton himself. Yes, that John Bolton, former national security advisor to Captain Tribblehead.

“Well, I think the basic problem is he’s not really fit to be President. He-He, having served four years, you know, he came into the White House not knowing much about how the government operated, not knowing much about national security, and over a four-year period, he didn’t manage to learn very much. He doesn’t appreciate the issues. He doesn’t focus on strategy, philosophy, policy. He doesn’t do any of that, as many people have observed, across the range of government affairs. He’s anecdotal, ad-hoc, transactional, and worst of all, he sees everything through the prism of how does this benefit Donald Trump. So, when you come to trying to make decisions on national security issues, he’s not focused on what’s at stake for the United States, what our options are, how we can protect our interests in the most effective way.”

Just more proof, from those who worked with the man with a dead Tribble on his head, of his unsuitability. And more and more people are realizing this. When you’ve got worries all the noise and the hurry seems to help, I know.

But MAGA keeps doubling down on their rhetoric, completely refusing to read the room. Charlie Kirk, who looks like a toe and is the founder and executive director of Turning Point USA (a student movement) had this to say a few days ago, and yeah, he pissed off some women, and rightfully so.

“We basically told a great generation of women don’t get married, don’t have kids, go get a corporate job. And it’s created mass political hysteria. And then in their early 30s they get really upset because they say, you know, the boys don’t want to date me anymore because they’re not at their prime and people get mad when I say that. Well, this is true. If you’re in your early 30s, I’m sorry. It’s like you’re not as attractive in the dating pool as you were in the early 20s. But again, you have your corporate job and cats.”

That’s a lot of words for “I can’t find the clitoris, even with both hands and a flashlight.”

But Kirk the Toe has an explanation for the above depiction of women (seriously, look at him. He looks like a toe). “A lot of them are on birth control, too. And birth control, like, really screws up female brains, by the way. Every single one of you need to make sure that your loved ones are not on birth control.”

That’s MAGA and at least they’re up front with their misogyny, right?

Speaking of MAGA, let’s talk about their grand leader, Don Poorleone, and his upcoming classified documents trial in Florida, slated to begin in August.

The latest kerfuffle deals with jury instructions from Judge Aileen Cannon (a Trump appointee). Jury instructions are the guide that the jury uses to determine guilt or innocence, covering the various laws that the defendant is accused of breaking. So Judge Cannon asked both Trump and the Gunslinger (special counsel Jack Smith) to come up with some hypothetical jury instructions as regards the Presidential Records Act. In other words, she’s telling the jury what the Act covers and what it means. This is important because Trump is basing his entire defense on his interpretation of just what the Presidential Records Act actually means.

The Gunslinger filed a 24-page motion, basically telling Judge Cannon (who has no judicial experience and has been smacked down bigtime by an appeals court once so far in this case) that her legal interpretation of the Presidential Records Act is, well, wrong. He warned her that if she kept her shit up with her various rulings that “Government must have the opportunity to consider appellate review” and that if she continued being a complete idiot who has no business being on the bench, it would “distort the trial”.

Sounds clinical and cold but that’s a big shot across the bow.

Tribblehead, of course, is maintaining that he had every right to store the records in boxes in unsecured rooms at Mar-a-Lago and he can do whatever he wishes with them and this case is bullshit and screw you guys, I’m going home.

Cue the Gunslinger, who said “The distinction between personal and Presidential records has no bearing on whether a former President’s possession of documents containing national defense information is authorized under the espionage act, and the PRA [Presidential Records Act] should play no role in the jury instructions. Indeed, based on the current record, the PRA should not play any role at trial at all.”

Thereby attempting to undercut Captain Tribblehead’s defense at the knees. It’s merely a flesh wound!

Remember, the man is facing 32 charges of violating the Espionage Act. Among many other charges.

Former federal prosecutor Kristy Greenberg explained Cannon’s utter failures as a judge to MSNBC: “But she’s getting it dead wrong. Every time she gets it dead wrong, it’s always in Donald Trump’s favor. The last month or so, we have a ruling where she is ordering the identities of witnesses to be unsealed. There is no trial date, there is no need to be unsealing the identities and statements of witnesses who could be harassed and have a risk of harm. Then you have her recent non-ruling that she’s going to kick the can down the road on whether or not the Espionage Act is vague. It’s not vague, it’s been well-established law, the terms were clear… That was a bad ruling. Then the third strike is the recent jury instructions, which, again, we don’t have a jury.”

If she had any smarts at all, she wouldn’t be so blatantly ruling in Tribblehead’s favor. She’s already been smacked down once, very harshly, by an appeals court. More ratfuckery to ensue. She did dismiss his attempt to get the charges against him dropped. Over in Georgia, Judge Scott McAfee denied his request to dismiss his Georgia election interference case on the grounds that it violated his free speech rights.

I can’t recall when someone was facing so many trials that the average person can’t keep them straight without a whiteboard or something. Life can be so sweet on the shady side of the street.

That’s all I have for you today, kittens.