Today is Veteran’s Day. Go buy a vet a drink, or help one of the many that are homeless and desperate for any relief, found on a street near you. Veterans are the reason why I can throw spitballs at the government, and say what I say, and the reason why you can read what I write without any fear. There are 11,401 homeless veterans in California alone.
As you read this first bit, hum the theme from “Jaws” to yourself to make it a truly multifaceted experience. The GQP shark feeding frenzy has started, and the Republicans are turning on each other.
The 13 House Repubs who voted for the recent infrastructure bill are the target of attacks from members of their own party, being called names and taunted with threats of a primary. Ooh not the primary! You just wait until your father gets off the toilet.
House Repubs, among them Marjorie LowIQanon Greene and Madison Cawthorn, have denounced the 13 as “traitors” who “voted to help Biden screw America” and have vowed to back any primary challengers. Greene tweeted out the phone numbers of the 13, saying they “handed over their voting cards to Nancy Pelosi to pass Joe Biden’s Communist takeover of America via so-called infrastructure” but she probably thinks an Israelite is a type of lamp so if you’re listening to her, you got trouble. Right here in River City. Now she’s invoking communism? It’s no Dungeons & Dragons, or Satanic ritual abuse, or even Critical Race Theory, but as a bogeyman, it’ll do. I’d offer to send her a copy of the Communist Manifesto but that has way too many multisyllabic words for her two braincells to rub against.
Rep. Fred Upton (R-MI) has received over 1,000 calls to his office in the wake of Greene’s tweet, with one particularly noble specimen of manhood telling Upton that “You’re a fucking piece of shit traitor… I hope you die. I hope everybody in your fucking family dies.” This despite the fact that the bill was backed by Senate Minority Leader Squirtle McTurtle (Mitch McConnell), along with 18 other Senate Republicans way back in August.
Some in the GQP are pissed that the Representatives in question voted before the bill reached 218 Democrat votes on the floor. They would have preferred to watch the Dems scramble to get the needed votes, after members of the Squad pointedly voted against the bill.
This is what the GQP has sunk to. If you don’t blindly follow the party line, and insist that the Emperor is indeed fully clothed in the latest that Armani has to offer, you’re a target, both from your colleagues and constituents. And it’s not funny anymore; this is getting dangerous, with the likes of Greene and Cawthorn making up for a shitty childhood by endorsing violence against anyone that doesn’t subscribe to their brand of crazy. Greene tweeted “‘Majority Makers’ just became Socialism Makers. There is only one cure. Remove them from committees. Stop helping them financially. They don’t deserve it and solidly proved it by delivering Biden’s agenda. Primary them & build a better party that serves America.” Just because it’s part of Biden’s platform, she and her fellow chucklefucks are against it. Biden could ask for free ice cream for all Americans every Friday, and they’d be against it because Biden wanted it. (Pistachio for me. Or butter pecan)
They’re toddlers. Anally fixated toddlers who have unresolved daddy issues. This goes on under Kkkevin McCarthy’s leadership (House Minority Leader), but it would not fly under the jackboots of Senate Minority Leader Squirtle McTurtle. McCarthy better straighten up and fly right. The House GOP is getting out of hand, and he’s proved that he can’t control them. Uncontrollable means unpredictable, and unpredictable means dangerous. McCarthy’s let the likes of Greene, Cawthorn, Boebert, Gosar, and Gaetz run wild, either because he can’t control them or because he doesn’t want to—I suspect the former--and they’ve already proved themselves to be a liability. I refer you to Gosar’s threats to assassinate the President. Just because it’s animated doesn’t mean it’s not a threat; he’ll face no consequences but hey, as Will Rogers said, give a man enough rope and McCarthy will hang himself.
However, the GOP House leaders aren’t about to remove the 13 from any committees, because those 13 brave souls took the same position as Squirtle McTurtle, Lindsey “Lady G” Graham, and 16 other GOP Senators, who are all far more powerful than some piss-ant freshman Representative. There is some talk of a “censure” against Gosar, worth exactly nothing and as toothless as a Trumplikkkan. Squirtle, who is no dummy even if he does kick puppies, sure changed his tune, saying the infrastructure bill was a “godsend” for Kentucky in particular, because “we have a lot of infrastructure needs.” He saw which way the wind was blowing and the mood of the country, and what the country wanted, and did a not too graceful 180, in his role as Satan-cum-Everyman.
**
Edit Thursday morning: The DC Circuit Court of Appeals has intervened to temporarily block the National Archives from releasing all requested records to the January 6 committee. Must be some really damning stuff in them, but as long as his appointees keep ruling in his favor, they won’t see the light of day.
"The purpose of this administrative injunction is to protect the court’s jurisdiction to address [Dickhead Donnie's] claims of executive privilege and should not be construed in any way as a ruling on the merits," the panel said in the brief order.
[written Wednesday night] I love the smell of desperation in the morning.
Cheeto got clowned again last night, and by the same judge who ruled, yet again, that he must turn over all records relating to the events of January 6th by this Friday and he is panicking bigtime. Just imagine the flop sweat. That’ll put you off your lunch. Judge Tanya Chutkan denied Cheeto’s overnight request (he filed at 10:32 pm, and she issued her decision at 12:21 am) for a stay to her order, writing that "In his renewed motion, despite the fact that he requests essentially the same relief as in his original preliminary injunction motion, Plaintiff has not advanced any new facts or arguments that persuade the court to reconsider its November 9, 2021, Order. The court’s analysis previously rejecting Plaintiff’s requested relief is thus equally applicable here: Plaintiff is unlikely to succeed on the merits of his claims or suffer irreparable harm, and a balance of the equities and public interest bear against granting his requested relief…This court will not effectively ignor its own reasoning in denying injunctive relief in the first place to grant injunctive relief now. For the above reasons, Plaintiff’s Emergency Motion for Preliminary Injunction Pending Appeal or Adminstrative Injunction, ECF No. 38 is DENIED.”
My favorite bit, though, is this: “Plaintiff cannot do an end run around the preliminary injunction factors simply because he seeks appellate review.”
Mic drop.
Translation: shut the fuck up and release the records and get out of my face.
I’m a loser, baby, so why don’t you kill me? La-hoo. Sa-her.
No idea why he appealed to the exact same judge who slapped him down the first time. Cheeto can appeal to the circuit court, and then the Supreme Court, but he and his legal braintrust are up against a hard deadline, and I can’t help but wonder if Chutkan was running out the clock a little, knowing that today is a federal holiday. Please, please, please, let those records be released. It’ll be a metric fuckton of work for me to report on, but I will do so with great relish. I love it when people’s tactics get used against them. Smells like karma.
Dear Sir Orange Dickblossom of the Flaxen Weave, I wish you’d go visit the shrine of St. Felicia, patron saint of bye. Buh-bye. Will no one rid us of this turbulent manbaby?
And that’s all I have for you today, kittens.
On today's episode of "Fuck Around and Find Out"
Marjorie Trump-in-drag Green and Bob Roberts Cawthorn are nothing but attention-whores. They pretend to hate Hollywood celebrities because they're jealous, plain and simple.